Kill The Moronic 4
by Spanish Ninja Sneasel
Summary: Yet another KTM fic... o.0; But this one's a bit different. Mel drags everyone back to the warehouse, and brings someone new into the mix... Decapitated Luigi! Bowser pictures! WWAMEPI theory! Just Push Play! Hm, you're already gone...


Disclaimer: If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times... IT BELONGS TO NINTENDO!!!  
  
Author's notes: Yes, I am well aware that Amanda's the only one who reads this series, but I'm not gonna stop writing it. o.0; Anyway, this one is not only a present for my beloved Dar, but also for another one of my friends on this site: Willow (The Kefka Fanatic). One thing, though; I've never seen a picture of Willow, so I don't entirely know what she looks like. I based her appearance off of her description in her old profile, and the picture on her Xanga site. So if I'm off, I have an excuse. ^^; Anyway, Amanda, Willow... Enjoy, but at your own risk. ^^  
  
This story is in script mode. Words/sentences between (X) are things happening in the scene, words/scentences between ::X:: are character actions, and words/sentences between *X* are, generally speaking, character sounds.  
  
(Fade in: The KTM group (Amanda, Mel, Link, Roy, and Marth) are standing in the old warehouse from the first KTM fic. As in the first one, Mel seems to be the only one who knows why they're there.)  
  
Marth: Okay, Mel, we're here... Now, would you mind telling us why you dragged us all back here?!  
  
Link: You guys aren't leaving, are you? ::grabs onto Amanda::  
  
Amanda: Calm down, elf boy; if we were leaving, she would've said something to me. Right?  
  
Mel: Right. We're not going anywhere. However...  
  
(Mel climbs up the ladder, and into the loft that they were all familiar with. She pulls off a dusty white sheet, resurrecting the control panel.)  
  
Amanda: That's...  
  
Marth: ...The control panel...  
  
Roy: But I thought you had to return that after we made the portal!  
  
Mel: I did... But I came back last night and rented it again.  
  
Link: But, why?  
  
Mel: Cause there's someone I want you guys to meet. Now, let's see if I can do this right...  
  
(Mel does the infamous button-lever thing, and a weird light suddenly appears next to Marth, Roy, Link, and Amanda. A teenage girl with neck-length light brown hair--with traces of aqua--and brown eyes falls from the light, completely confused.)  
  
Mel: Whoo! It worked!  
  
Willow: What happened? I was playing FFV one minute, and the next I'm in a weird building... Staring at what seems to be Marth... Roy... Link... And some strange girl with long hair!  
  
Amanda: ...Mel, what did you do?!  
  
(Mel climbs down from the loft and runs up to the others.)  
  
Mel: Hi, Willow!  
  
Willow: How do you know my name?  
  
Mel: I'm Mel... From Fanfiction.net.  
  
Willow: Uh-huh... Do you mind if I ask what the hell is going on?!  
  
Mel: Simple. This is the Kill The Moronic series, which started when I took Amanda, ::points to Amanda:: to this very warehouse for her birthday present. Her present was this here machine that can make anything you want appear.  
  
Willow: Strange. And how did these guys end up here? They're not even real!  
  
Mel: They are now. We MADE them real. *laughs maniacally*  
  
Link: ...So you're Willow?  
  
Willow: Yeah... So, why did you bring me here?  
  
Mel: Cause I wanted you to come with us.  
  
Willow: Come with you where?  
  
Amanda: Well, it is slightly odd that we seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth... But in fact, we've been in their world. ::points to Link, Marth and Roy::  
  
Willow: Do you mean you've actually been to the SSBM world?!  
  
Mel: Yes, and it's quite interesting. Just don't let Ganondorf give you a tour; he's much more interesting when he's not trying to be a presentable person. Throw rocks at him to piss him off, instead!  
  
Willow: R-right... I'll remember that...  
  
Roy: So, are you in?  
  
Willow: Sure! When do we leave?  
  
Link: Now.  
  
(The group turns back to the portal. Marth is first to go through, seemingly anxious about getting back. Link and Amanda are next, followed by Roy, then Willow, then Mel. The scene changes, and they're in the cafeteria.)  
  
Willow: Well... I expected a bit more, but...  
  
Roy: This is just the cafeteria. The portal leads here, for some reason.  
  
(Luigi storms up to them, holding a wooden spoon in one hand.)  
  
Luigi: I have to talk to you about this weird light in my cafeteria! I've been getting complaints!  
  
Link: Calm down, Luigi. Just think of it as a decoration.  
  
Luigi: It's not funny! First, we all get taken to this weird place with these two, ::points to Mel and Amanda:: then you three have to go and bring them back HERE, and you leave a big, swirly light in my cafeteria! And now you have another one! ::points to Willow::  
  
Mel: You know, it's too bad I can't do what Sheila does to him in Stupid Melee...  
  
Roy: Huh?  
  
Mel: Oh, what the hell.  
  
(Mel goes up to Luigi and pulls his head right off his neck. There's no blood, and Luigi's head is still moving normally.)  
  
Mel: Hey! It worked!  
  
Luigi: What did you do to me?!  
  
Amanda: ...You never told me about that part!  
  
Mel: Sheila and Lee have the power to take people's heads off, and have them survive!  
  
Roy: Weird...  
  
Amanda: I'll say.  
  
Mel: Want another demonstration? ::puts Luigi's head on a table and walks toward Marth::  
  
Marth: Get away from me! You've done enough to me already.  
  
Willow: What do you mean?  
  
Mel: He's mad at me because I pick on him sometimes.  
  
Marth: Try all the time.  
  
Mel: Not ALL the time! Sometimes I'm nice! Remember, you're the one who hit on me!  
  
Marth: I was desperate!  
  
Roy: Well, then you coulda just backed off if she's only worth it when you're desperate!  
  
Marth: Just... Forget I said anything. ::walks off::  
  
Willow: Is he always like that?  
  
Link: Most of the time.  
  
Luigi: I'm still here! I want my head back on my body, thank you very much!  
  
(Amanda, Mel, Willow, Link, and Roy head for the exit.)  
  
Luigi: Hey! Someone has to run the kitchen, and since you chased off my only help...  
  
Willow: Who was his help?  
  
Link: Ness. The girls got rid of him.  
  
(Willow raises an eyebrow.)  
  
Mel: Uhm, it was nothing major...  
  
Roy: Are you kidding?! They sent Link and Marth to beat on him, and--  
  
Mel: ::covers Roy's mouth:: Shut UP, Roy! *ahem*  
  
(Willow just glares at Mel.)  
  
Mel: Well, at least I don't write entire fics bashing characters... That's a waste of time.  
  
Amanda: Yeah. So, that's settled, right?  
  
Link: Okay, I guess you'll need a bunk, Willow.  
  
Roy: Wouldn't it be best if she bunked up with these two?  
  
Amanda: Just don't let Link make any suggestions. ::pulls Link's ear::  
  
Link: Ow, hey! What was that for?  
  
Amanda: You know!  
  
Link: *sigh* Anyway, I think I should go find Marth.  
  
Roy: Okay. We'll show Willow around.  
  
(Scene change: The girls and Roy are in the courtyard. Falco is beating the stuffing out of Sandbag, and Bowser's asleep under a tree.)  
  
Roy: Here's the courtyard. We spend a lot of time out here, as do a lot of the fighters. They come to train all the time. We have our examples here: Falco is practicing against Sandbag, because Yoshi got tired of training with him. And there's Bowser... Being Bowser. You really have to watch out when he's sleeping; if you wake him up, you won't live to tell about it.  
  
(Amanda, in the back of the group, stops in front of Bowser for a minute and takes out her camera.)  
  
Amanda: This'll be a cool shot, if I can angle it so the flash doesn't bother him...  
  
(Thanks to evil fate, Amanda drops her camera and it makes it's way over the slanted terrain, and right next to Bowser.  
  
Amanda: ...Oh, damn...  
  
(Scene heads back to Roy, Mel and Willow.)  
  
Roy: And now why don't we sit down for a while?  
  
(The three sit down on the same cement wall from KTM2, which gives a good view of the open ground below them.)  
  
Mel: So, how're you enjoying yourself so far?  
  
Willow: This place is pretty cool. But Luigi runs the cafeteria? I thought he'd do something a little more... Dignified.  
  
Mel: Well, he's Luigi. What do you expect?  
  
Roy: I wonder where Marth and Link went to? We've been out for about an hour, and I haven't seen them yet.  
  
Mel: Well, they share a bunk. Maybe they're in there.  
  
Roy: Perhaps.  
  
Willow: Can I ask something about Marth?  
  
Mel: You can ask, but I don't know how well we could answer... Shoot.  
  
Willow: You said he usually acts the way he did back in the cafeteria... Why is that?  
  
Roy: We don't entirely know, but it probably has a lot to do with his love life.  
  
Mel: Or lack thereof.  
  
Willow: What do you mean?  
  
Roy: The most common theory is that he's lonely.  
  
Mel: He's hit on me, he freaking dueled Link for claim on Amanda, and still all he's getting is Kirby.  
  
Willow: ...Kirby?  
  
Roy: The thing's in love with him. It's really quite amusing.  
  
Mel: Marth's quest to find a decent date has actually gotten CERTAIN people in trouble... ::hits Roy in the arm::  
  
Roy: Hey, I was the victim there!  
  
Mel: You hit on Tron Bonne!!  
  
Roy: ...  
  
Mel: Link told me ALL about it. He also said that he almost beat Marth up for making fun of you.  
  
Willow: So, why don't you put yourself in Marth's place for a minute, and see how you'd like it if Kirby was in love with YOU.  
  
Roy: ...Why is everyone picking on me? I didn't do anything!  
  
Mel: *mumbles* Recently.  
  
Roy: I heard that.  
  
Willow: Is it "feel sorry for Roy" time?  
  
Roy: I feel insulted.  
  
Mel: Oh, you poor thing.  
  
(Roy glares at Mel.)  
  
Willow: Hey... Where's Amanda?  
  
(With magnificent timing, Amanda runs by, camera in hand, being chased by Bowser.)  
  
Mel: Hey! Get away from her!  
  
(Mel starts running after Bowser, but Roy pulls her back.)  
  
Roy: How well can you attack?  
  
Mel: Uh...  
  
Roy: How well can you defend?  
  
Mel: Erm...  
  
Roy: What kind of fighting skill do you have whatsoever?  
  
Mel: Well...  
  
Roy: That's what I thought.  
  
(Roy goes after Bowser, pulling out his sword.)  
  
Mel Well, if you'd give me that sword...  
  
Roy: *calling back* I wouldn't trust you with it if my life depended on it!  
  
Willow: The confidence he has in you is admirable.  
  
Mel: Hush.  
  
(Scene change: Mel, Amanda, Willow, and Roy are sitting in the lounge. Roy has a few burn marks on his face and arms, and his clothes are slightly singed.)  
  
Mel: So you wanted to take a picture of Bowser...  
  
Roy: ...And your camera fell?  
  
Amanda: Well, I didn't think THAT would happen!  
  
Willow: Damn fate.  
  
Mel: And gravity.  
  
Roy: You just can't admit that something was her fault, can you?  
  
Mel: That's cause it wasn't! Don't you know that the whole world is against me, except for the people in it?!  
  
(Roy, Amanda and Willow all stare at Mel.)  
  
Mel: ...Well, it is! It's the WWAMEPI theory, and it's spreading! It's after you, too!  
  
Amanda: Whatever you say, Mel.  
  
(Link and Marth enter the lounge.)  
  
Link: There you guys are. We've been looking for you.  
  
Marth: What happened to you, Roy?  
  
Roy: *sigh* I had to save Amanda from Bowser, because she wanted to take a picture of him while he was asleep... There was a bit of an accident and Mel says it was the, um...  
  
Mel: WWAMEPI theory.  
  
Roy: ...Yeah, that.  
  
Marth: The what?  
  
Mel: WWAMEPI: Whole World is Against Me, Except for the People In it theory.  
  
Marth: ...You're nuts.  
  
Amanda: You just now noticed this?  
  
(Link runs up to Amanda.)  
  
Link: Are you all right?! Do you want me to go kill Bowser?  
  
Amanda: Erm--no, that's fine, Link.  
  
Link: Are you sure? I've slaughtered monsters before.  
  
Mel: Like Volvagia. Volvagia rocked.  
  
Roy: What's Volvagia?  
  
Mel: It WAS a dragon from OoT, but Link here killed it.  
  
Link: It was gonna eat all of the Gorons!  
  
Mel: SO?! No one would've missed them!  
  
Willow: Don't like Gorons?  
  
Mel: Whoops. Did that come out?  
  
Link: What is this crap they're playing, anyway?!  
  
Amanda: What are you talking about?  
  
Link: Listen!  
  
(Everyone stops talking for a moment, and hear nothing but elevator-type music playing over the lounge speakers.)  
  
Roy: ...So?  
  
Link: Let's get some REAL music, here!  
  
Marth: *sigh* Link, are you going to make an idiot of yourself again?  
  
(Link runs out of the lounge, and heads to the little booth where C. Falcon, the DJ, sits, playing obnoxious music to be heard all over the SSBM house.)  
  
Falcon: What are you doing in here? I'M the DJ!  
  
Link: Yeah, what is this you're playing? ::takes disc out and tosses it across the room:: You've gotta have something good here...  
  
(Link looks through the CDs until he finds one he likes.)  
  
Link: Ah, this'll work! ::puts disc into player and cranks the volume::  
  
(Aerosmith's "Just Push Play" blares through the building.)  
  
Link: Much better! Thanks for your cooperation, Cap!  
  
(Link runs out of the booth and back to the lounge.)  
  
Falcon: But I'M the DJ...  
  
(Link gets back in the lounge and pulls Amanda onto her feet.)  
  
Link: C'mon, I got Aerosmith on! Let's dance!  
  
Willow: ::holds head in hands:: Link...  
  
Link: ::climbing on the table:: What?  
  
Willow: ...Never mind.  
  
(Link drags Amanda onto the table, and they start singing along, imitating Steven Tyler. Willow, Marth and Roy look embarrassed, and Mel is just laughing.)  
  
Amanda: She gave you a flower, the one that god gave her...  
  
Link: You caught up in the kool-aid, but you do not know the flavor...  
  
Marth: *shouting over the music* Can we go now?!  
  
(Scene change: It's night, and the six are ready to depart for their bunks.)  
  
Roy: So, Willow. Enjoy your first day here?  
  
Willow: Sort of... The place is cool and all, but some of the people are weird. ::glares at Link::  
  
Amanda: This was a pretty typical day around here.  
  
Mel: And you'll be able to see more, if you like; the series has to have at least five parts. *whispers* Just be prepared to have Marth hit on you.  
  
Link: There's one thing that hasn't made this day totally normal... Wouldn't you say, Marth?  
  
Marth: What are you talking about?  
  
Mel: Now that I think about it, there's a certain someone that we haven't seen yet today...  
  
Marth: Oh, too bad! Guess we're just gonna have to forget about it, hm?  
  
(Marth turns around to unlock the door to his and Link's bunk.)  
  
Marth: Now, if you don't mind, I'm turning in.  
  
(Marth opens the door and starts to walk in, but trips over something in the doorway. He turns onto his back, and sees Kirby standing there, smiling his weird little Kirby smile. Kirby lets out an, "Ay-eah.")  
  
Marth: ...I hate you. 


End file.
